To educate myself means avoiding the greatest danger of any creative: to enclose oneself in an ivory tower. Lately, I've found myself being railed into a buzzing hive of people. I feel like I am constantly swinging from one thing to the next, without any time for myself. Not that this is in any way negative, it's actually been quite wonderful, I just keep waking up every morning feeling a little burnt out. I was sick for about eight weeks with strep throat and walking pneumonia, and I've been traveling to and from places with friends on a number of fun adventures, while also having a number of friends in town over the past few months. But be that as it may, I am sitting here writing this at two in the morning, and I wonder why I am feeling so exhausted and my hectic schedule isn't going to subside anytime soon as I'm about to be gone for the next four weeks for work and holiday. I thought about this ivory tower and how I could stop saying yes to things and just say no for the sake of getting rebalanced again. But then I think there is a great danger with ivory towers: you are in a castle and you stay inside. You stop seeing the world.
I wish I had a reason I felt worthy enough as to why I haven’t updated my blog for quite some time. I've posted a few posts the past few months, but looking back at almost all of 2016 and even most of 2017, it's quite bare. Even though this has been one of my most successful years for a number of reasons, I find myself questioning what it is I want to create and what it is I want to say on this platform. I'm sure a lot of creatives go through this, and as I'm also such an intellect, I question whether or not I like the image that my "personal brand" is conveying with being defined by outfits, design, and travel that is far-reaching for most.
In the beginning of Coco Zaza, my blog started as a personal style and travel diary when I first moved to Paris in 2014. It was a way for me to keep in contact with my close friends and loved ones when I lived so far away and spend time working on something that really mattered to me. Naturally, it then evolved into much more when I moved back to New York. While travel and personal style are very much a huge part of my life and are the very essence of what Coco Zaza was built upon, I find myself wondering why I haven't made updating my blog a bigger priority.
I think the next step is for me to get rebalanced this weekend and make time for myself. One thing that I have started creating (which are kind of my favorite things on my blog right now) are my City Guides. They are still a work in progress, but I created a few lists of some of my favorite spots and will keep adding to them over the coming weeks. Of course, New York and Paris are the most defined, but that's because those are two of my favorite cities. Everyone always asks me for a list of all my favorite spots when they go on a trip to a place I know. In prior years, if someone was traveling to Paris, I would send out a long list through email or share a spreadsheet with them, and over the past year I have been using Spot to create sharable lists for friends. But after spending time throwing everything in these lists on Spot, I decided I also wanted to create a visual representation on my own blog that is clean, easy to view, and looked a little more like me.
Thank you for sticking with me, while I figure things out. I will be heading to California next week and then Europe after, and I look forward to documenting my trip and sharing it with you. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but it feels really good to be back with a new colorful outlook for Coco Zaza. Now that I’m home for a few days and have no plans this weekend (except a commitment I made to a friend to help take her professional photos for her new company) my goal is to work on my blog, find balance in my daily routine again, and approach my health from a place of love and deep appreciation for my mind and body.
Coco wears: Zara Tweed Jacket and Shorts, Chanel Patent Wallet-on-a-Chain, Chanel J-12, Miu Miu Sneakers. Photography: Bethany Halbreich