Picture this: I was in NYC the other day stuck in a cab in the middle of Times Square, the worst place in all of New York to be stuck in a cab during rush hour. I had a meeting downtown and decided that my outfit required more of a "sidewalk to cab ordeal" versus the standard "smelly, stairy subway". Uber was fucking me over with a 2.7 surge, but even after I accepted, my car was still 12 minutes away! So there I was- hailing a cab in Times Square, while getting tickled by a color-me-Elmo. There was no way that I was going to make this meeting downtown with my contact, the CEO at a multi-billion dollar fashion conglomerate whose time is probably worth $500 a minute, and I remember thinking about something that my old boss in Venture Capital used to lecture us about. In his exact words, he said, "You wouldn't show up late to an investor meeting when you're trying to raise money, would you? So don't waste my time, disrespect me and show up late". By golly, he was right and I usually always live by this rule, except on this day, I was failing. I was a failing captive prisoner in a dirty cab.
I knew my contact was just sitting there, waiting for me, judging me and mentally trimming our contract by the second. Suddenly, my Donna Karan Wool Sheath felt more like a $30 Forever 21 knock-off and my matching Ippolita bracelets that I wore on both wrists resembled a pair of silver hand-cuffs. I was anxious, annoyed and worst of all, I was feeling cheap. I was consuming a mixture of ethnic Middle-Eastern music that was giving me a headache and cutting off my ability to formulate ideas on extraction. The traffic was constantly stop-go, go-stop, stop-stop-go, to the point where I almost lost it in the back seat of the cab. What could I do? Where could I go? If only someone could just provide me with the service of teleporting to my meeting, I could arrive in grace, close the deal (without my non-existent balls being chopped off), and walk out of there feeling like a boss (non-existent balls in tact).
Oh, Stephen Hawking, why haven't you figured out teleportation yet?