Yesterday was my birthday. Over the past few years, I have had some of the most exciting, challenging and happiest years of my life. People often ask me how I am able to go through what I do and are able to stay sane. I don’t have an answer for them. Those of you that know me know that I am far from conventional. I’m never predictable and I color outside of the lines. If there are rules, I’ll most likely do the exact opposite just to be different. I have such insane stories that when you hear me talk about them, it almost seems unreal. I’ve probably lived enough life for three people and have been put in situations over the past few years, which has forced my brain to think- think harder than I ever thought was physically possible.
I grew up in a place where I was the outcast. No one understood me, and the way I thought. I was different. I started my first company at the age of fourteen. When people were growing up, I was running a business. I volunteered myself to being an entrepreneurial guinea pig, since I believed there were problems that I could solve. Opening companies your entire life leads you to living a life of constant adventure; it’s blood-rushing, it’s intense and it encourages you to only spend your time with the most extraordinary people and on the most inspiring experiences.
In your life, events will happen that you have no control over. Sometimes you will meet someone that makes you stop and think about what just happened. Sometimes you will move countries on a whim, just because you can. Other times, situations will take an unexpected turn that cause you to wonder why and how this is happening to you. At the end, I believe in fate and I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens in our world. Sometimes life isn’t fair and sometimes life gives you exactly what you need. Together, these events formulate and piece together a creation that becomes your story. My story is as avant-garde as you'd expect. It’s filled with a fusion of darkness and luminosity, far too many dares and far too little truths and a cornucopia of opportunity. The most important aspect of my story is the fact that no matter what happens, I come out of each experience with a positive outlook that is derived by positive psychology.
When I moved to NYC for undergrad some odd years ago, I started finding people. You meet people in life, because you are supposed to. You think on the same frequencies. There is a reason; make the reason matter. I met more people that are like me in the past few years that I didn't think existed. I opened my eyes and found them. In 2013, I remember a sensation of blind panic shoot through me, the way your mouth dries up and your insides start to feel empty. I stumbled into a kind of stillness, an oddly improvised mess of limbs. I was a stranger to my friends, off in a world where I was drowning from unfulfilling projects that I thought made me happy, with people that I thought made me happy. As thoughts moved with immense purpose through my body, I realized what is real and what is important. I remember a realization of how I woke up that next morning. My mind was saying things I hadn't been able to say in months. Full of unfound words that I didn't know I had lost. So there I was, I decided to separate from negativity and instead be consumed with optimism. Today, I am happier than ever.
I was sitting with someone dear to me the other evening and he kept asking me what I wanted. He said, "You are extremely independent. You've started these companies. You've traveled the world. You have a fashion blog. You DJ on the side. What do you want and who do you see yourself with?".
The simple answer is- I seek magic. I believe the only way a perfect relationship can exist in an imperfect world is a combination of stability and chemistry. I’ve been having this same conversation with all my friends lately and what you'll find is that people will either settle for one or the other. It is so rare to find a combination of both, that when you do, you need to realize it. My dear friend Pallavi did a love interview on me a few years ago and she asked me how I deal with loss and losing a soul mate. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I think that the idea of losing them utterly breaks my heart, and actually losing them would entirely break my life. It will haunt my dreams until I find my way back to them. I don’t understand how some people can let something so great slip between their fingertips. Our world lives in this fear-based society, where people are consumed with how they are supposed to act and feel, versus how they actually act and feel. Why not fight for what you want? Stop the bullshit and fight and never settle for anything less than magic.
When I was opening my birthday cards at home the other evening, I was both humbled and happy that I have such wonderful people in my life that care about me as much as they do. My friends wrote to me about my infectious energy, my passion for building things, my warmth for my friends, my knowledge to teach and my openness for love. But the statement that started to make me cry was the one that said I inspired them to be better. There is nothing better than knowing that you are inspiring the very people that you spend your time with and that you are filling them with a light they never even knew they had.
So today, I am the one that is lighting up with an all consuming appetite for life. So this birthday I am toasting to you- to all of you whose masterful approach to life and craft and deep devotion to beauty and connection cast an indelible spell on me. I am forever humbled, forever thankful, forever your friend. My cherished friends, I am agonizingly in love with you and I appreciate you everyday. You have been there for me when I was crumbling apart. You inspire me. You change me. You challenge me to be better. The past few years have been my best and worst years yet. However, I have never been so courageous, so passionate, and so hungry to learn. I feel alive. I believe in happiness. I believe in life. I believe in love- outrageous, dangerous, obsessive love. I need you to believe too, because it doesn’t really exist if you don’t and it’s the most incredible thing in this universe.
As one of my dear friends wrote in closing, “Let’s keep each other on track as honest, good, and fabulous people.” Thank you dear friends for another fantastic year.
Coco wears a Jason Wu Silk Floral Dress, Theory Leather Bomber Jacket, Sergio Rossi Python Heels, Hermes "Heure H" Watch, Hermes Enamel Bracelet. Snapped by Lena Xiao in my favorite city on the planet.